Dec 6, 2012

They don't know it yet, but I'm on to them...

Image: Kittikun Atsawintarangkul/FreeDigitalPhots.net
I'm sneaking to type this because I don't want them to know I'm on to them.  I have reason to believe my kids are highly trained and skilled mini-secret agents.  Don't believe me?  I have sufficient evidence to support my suspicions. 

Spies move, often undetected, with stealth. At times they provide counterintelligence--feeding false information to enemies.  Their missions are clandestine and shrouded in secrecy.  I've discovered my children have approximately 3 secret missions:

 Mission 1: Cause as much disorder, mess, chaos as possible.

To accomplish this mission, they have moved--often unseen and unheard--with pencil, crayon, markers, pen, etc in hand and leave areas of "secret code" on the floor, walls, various body parts, important papers, mattress, clothing, you name it.   

Exhibit A: A large bag of chips dumped onto a rug
When the "secret code" is discovered, Big spy usually blames little spy.  Little spy, who can't yet fully communicate in English, then effectively points an index finger at Big spy and jabbers wildly "skjdfkjkdfiueirjkejrkriufkjfiej!" Big spy must understand this spy language because she immediately responds "No, it was you!" 

I turn away for one second and a massive mess is made and no one is in sight. (See exhibit A).

A few times the stairs have even been booby-trapped.  Once a Barbie doll was left lying on a step with her plastic pointy hands extended upward--just waiting on an unsuspecting adult to plant a bare foot there.

 Mission 2:  Destroy anything of value

Exhibit B: A partially chewed makeup sponge
This mission is accomplished by piggybacking off Mission 1. Anything of value that is left in reach of these mini-spies becomes a target. Things get wet, scribbled on, tossed in the trash, or even chewed up (see Exhibit B).

Of course, this too is done in the most secretive way possible. Usually when the mini-spies are awake, and the house gets really quiet, like eerily quiet, you'd best believe Mission 1 or 2 is underway.

Mission 3: Delay or, if possible, detain any adult from departure.

Mission 3 can be the most frustrating for their adult targets.  When the mini-spies suspect they are being removed temporarily from their home base they go into panic mode.  Either one or both spies will then launch a full out assault. Little spy will show his resistance by running from the adult target while laughing maniacally.  In some cases, he will resort to throwing a full-blown tantrum. 

Meanwhile, Big spy will delay departure significantly while looking for a shoe, jacket, or some other object--despite being told constantly to put these things in their proper place.  Big spy's final barb is the line "I gotta pee!" which usually comes either just as we prepare to walk out of the door, or worse yet, after we've driven 5 miles from home.

I know that we are not the only adult targets out there.  I suspect there are millions of other adults that have become aware of these "secret missions" happening right under their own roof.  Even more frightening, I'm told these mini-spies eventually morph into teenage spies with even more destructive missions...shudders. Heaven help us all!!


27 comments:

  1. HAHAHA! Fun post to read! ;-)
    -Jamie
    http://chatterblossom.blogspot.com/

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    1. Thanks Jamie! I had a lot of fun writing it. Have a great day.(:

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  2. Crack me up! We went through every single one of those this morning. Brian left for work and Reagan about threw a fit.
    Then she proceeded to have an accident on the floor on the way to the bathroom ( I can't complain - she potty trained at 2 years and a month - and this is the first one in a month, but still!)
    Then my light up Christmas penguin got trashed today when she threw it!

    Agh...our kids should meet!

    Lanaya
    www.raising-reagan.com

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    1. LOL!! See I knew there were others out there! It's like small kids have almost the same agenda. I agree that our kids should meet--sounds like they have a lot in common already. :)

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  3. Ha!! Can soooo well relate to all the secret missions!!! Hey, nice to finally know your first name!! :)

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    1. I knew it would sound familiar to any parent--we are all victims of these secret missions lol! I finally figured out that it would be better to at least have my first name available so people could address me by it ya know ;).

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    2. Good idea! By the way, I was hoping you would come over to my post today where I talk about my readers! http://www.bigaandlittlea.com/2012/12/top-commentors.html

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  4. OMG. I love reading your posts and I have to say this is one of my fav's. You have me thinking now... is this the reason my spy is happy to be getting a baby spy. Great, what have I got myself in to..lol.

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    1. Thanks Christi--I'm blushing now :D. Yes, you are definitely in trouble lol! Wait until they band together like mine...it's not for the faint of heart! :)

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  5. Haaaa I so relate. Toys strategically placed on the floor made to look like a mess. The subtle sting of stepping on a lego as your 10 year old tries to conceal her smile. I've been there, my friend, and it aint pretty. ;)

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    1. Haha!! Love it! It's interesting how our writhing in pain from the block that's embedded in our foot can be a source of entertainment for them.

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  6. Thank you so much for stopping by my blog. I'm happy to be following you back.

    Blessings,
    Meredith

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    1. You're welcome. Have a good weekend.

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  7. Ha ha! Good luck with your spies! My 'spies' are a little bit older and they don't get any easier! Found you on Clairejustine's bloghop BTW.

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    1. Oh my! I figured it was only downhill from here. Oh well lol. Glad you came by. Have a great weekend! :)

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  8. to this day i still don't know how my mom would know my sis and i were in the cookie jar! this post made me giggle with your spies.

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    1. That's because your mom knew what you were up too, and probably did a regular count of the cookies ;-). I can totally see myself doing that!

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  9. Hahaha...it seems that you are the third person I have visited tonight that has talked about tornado or hurricane messes left by secret service minors. Of course, I have chimed in on each one to say my daughter is one of these spy servants herself. Oh, and I have unfortunately stepped on Barbie's friends hand and busted it up. Luckily she was taken to the hospital and mended up. = P

    Irish Carter
    Dedicated2Life.com
    "Promoting Passionate People"

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    1. Ha!! All these little spies are wreaking havoc on the world! You've been a victim of the random Barbie on the floor too huh?! I know that these are things most parents can relate to. :)

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  10. Are you sure you aren't a sleeper spy yourself, and are trying to divert blame away from yourself. Ran across your blog via another blogger's site. LOVE the post! It's too funny!
    Careful...

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    1. Hi Nell! Yes, I am a spy too lol--aren't most parents to some degree or another?. So happy you came by and loved this post! I'll be careful...or at least I'll try. ;)

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    1. Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks Carole.

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  12. Bwahahaha! I love this and I totally know how you feel!

    My 4-year-old is a self-proclaimed artist and loves to share her art on any and every surface - like permanent marker on the outside of the house.

    ♥ Duckie.

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    1. Haha!! Wow your daughter is hardcore...she writes on the outside of the house! Gosh I'm so glad that so many others feel my pain. BTW I love the name Duckie--it sounds happy:). Thanks for stopping by!

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  13. Shawn, glad to know my son's not the only secret agent with a mission!! I wonder if they have secret agent meetings when we're not looking via Skype. hahaha. Funny post.

    I hope you are having a lovely week my dear and thank you so much for linking up to last week's Aloha Friday Blog Hop.

    If you have time, we'd love to have you come back and link up to the Aloha Friday Blog Hop if you haven't already!

    Aloha,

    Jean {What Jean Likes}

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    1. Haha! Yes, I do believe they meet all around the world via Skype to plot their missions--they are just too good at them!! Thanks for the Aloha Friday invite Jean!

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